D’var Torah - Vaikhal - A kind Heart

In the last few years, whenever I would get together with my parents, I asked them to tell me stories about themselves and past generations to try to draw the design of my family tree. Understanding my past can help me gain powers to learn how to better direct my future on the path I was called for.

After 4 years, they finally arrived for a much-needed visit and I decided to create my spiritual Genogram story with their help. I invite you to try to take time and make one for yourself. It’s a great tool that can help you process the past and gain important insights of your own life patterns whether positive or not. 

My mom named me after her beloved grandfather Laizer. That is why my name stats with the letter L. Since I was born during Hanukkah the idea of Liora came – to bring me light and happiness and I make efforts to spread it everywhere I go.

Laizer nick name was Lali which is also one of the nick name my husband gave me. Lali was a rich business man. My mom remembers the stories about his big safe where he saved all his money. Mama, my grandmother told my mom how as kids, he used to ask her and her brother David to help push him against the door of the safe, trying to close it when it was over flowing with money. He was one of the few people in their town who owned a big fancy car and Mama used to bring all her friends to get a ride in it. He was as generous as he was wealthy. Being the kind man he was, other than donating, he always lent money to anyone who asked. He had faith and trust in people to leave the loan transaction on a hand shake.  He didn’t see the need in a written contract. Many people never paid him back even some people that became very wealthy thanks to him. The only one he wasn’t so generous with was himself. My mom remembers how he asked her once to accompany him as he was searching for a place where he can get his hat cleaned. When they arrived the owner of the store told him he should rub garlic on the hat and Lali got upset, feeling the man is making fun of him. The man then told him that the only remedy for his hat was to throw it away and get a new one. Lali lost all him money in 1929 when the stock market crashed but he always used to tell my mom that the day he will arrive to the promised land, he will be a rich man again since one of the men who he lent money to, became rich and famous in Israel and Lali was certain he will pay him back but the day never arrived, Lali died in his sleep in his home in Romania and never got to his promised land.

My Mama and Marku, my mom’s parents were introduced by a shadchanit – a match maker, and since Lali was wealthy at the time, he promised to pay a lot of money for her Nedunia but he lost the money in the market crash and couldn’t fulfill his promise. My grandfather’s brother told Lali that a promise is a promise and Lali decided to take a loan so he can give the money to the newly wed. 

My grandfather Marku and his 3 brothers took care of their dad’s store after he died and since their dad was not a good business man, sending his clients always to the store across the street where he promised them the prices are much better, had to claim bankruptcy but when Marku received the Nedunia money they decided that the solution will be for Marku to put the money in their dad’s  store and once business picks up they will sell the store give him back his money and then divide the profit among themselves but they never returned the Nedunia money as promised. Mama was upset and told Marku to demand his money back but he told her that he rather lose the money than lose his family.

Marku, my mom’s dad grew without his mom, she committed suicide shortly after she gave birth to her 4th son and his dad took a woman from one of the villages to help take care of his kids while he was at work. Marku too was a very kind man, Mama thought that he was the kindness man alive and told my mom she can’t marry just anyone, her husband needed to be very kind. When my mom wanted to marry my dad, she told Mama she met a man who is even kinder than her own dad. Mama couldn’t believe it but she soon discovered my dad’s kindness when Marku passed away when I was a little baby and my dad did everything for her, even bath her when she got sick and couldn’t do it on her own.

My dad is the kindness man I know, he does everything he can for everyone. He would stop the car on the spot if he would see a blind man trying to cross the street and help him cross safely. He is the first born of 4 children and even though he had both of his parents growing up, he was acting as his sibling’s parent. Just like Marku, He was the only one who proceeded to the academia, got his Master degree and became an engineer. But not like Marku, when my mom was upset that his siblings whom he cared for all their life cheated him in the will when his parents die, he decided to cut the cord and disconnected from them completely, his heart was broken. he lost both, the money and more importantly his family.

My dad’s father, Menachem, lost his dad when he was very young, when there was famine in Israel 1914 when the first world war started. His uncle took the role of his father. His uncle was religious and he told my grandfather that he will give him an egg to eat only after he will read the weekly torah portion with him. My grandfather grew to dislike the Torah and hated eggs. They lived a crossed the street from a Temple but he never attended it. In the other hand, he made sure to build us, his grandkids a Sukkah every year, make a kiddush every Friday night and run the Passover seder every year. My dad on the other hand loves the Torah even though he is not a religious man. When I was very young, he read to me every night from the Tanach, my dad thinks the Torah is the best book with amazing stories with an important moral and lessons. I grew up to think exactly the same.

My mom’s parents never went to Temple, even though there were 3 different Temple’s on their street. Mama used to tell my mom that they don’t have nice cloths to attend services since they didn’t have family in Israel like their neighbors that could send them nice cloths. My mom on the other hand would be the one who opened the gates of the Temples to all her friends after jumping over the fence to get to the other side. She liked running around all the Temples especially on Yom kippur to hear the Shofar. She tried to run fast so Mama wouldn’t see her from the window to call her to come up to eat when everyone else were fasting. Mama and my mother never lit Shabbat candles but they always lit Yizkor candles on Yom Kippur. 

This week torah portion is Vayikhal. The word heart repeats 14 times. It appears together with the word Nadiv – generous and the word Hacham – wise. We can use our hearts in different ways. And in this story it is how the heart moves us to give. We are moved so much that Moses need to ask the Israelites to stop since they have too much already for the building of the Mishkan. 

The story of Vayikhal reminds me of the story of my Kehila, my personal family, and our hearts that moves us to give. My mom always told me that she is worried that one day I will find myself with no underwear since I love to give so much. Now I know where its coming from. Also my dad telling me the stories from the Tanach helped me connect to them through our personal stories. 

When I look at my family hybrid tree with two far distanced families, one from Romania and other from Yemen. So different in color and culture, one Ashkenazi and the other Mizrachi, its amazing to see how much they have in common. The most important thing they both have is the way their heart moves them. Nedivut Halev  – Generosity of the heart – is mentioned many times in this week Torah portion. It’s a great teaching about kindness, a lesson that I have been given by my family though out my life, and that is priceless!

Acts of kindness are greater than charity since they can be done for both the rich and poor… Charity can only be done with one’s money, while acts of loving-kindness can be performed both personally and with one’s money. – Rambam

(The Medieval Jewish sage Rambam explained that acts of loving kindness can include visiting the sick, inquiring how other people are doing, helping to facilitate weddings and funerals, and treating everyone with warmth. He even prescribed the way we should say goodbye to guests at the end of a visit, walking them to our door and saying goodbye with warmth. Nobody should feel alone and uncared for.)

A spiritual Genogram is a pictorial display of a person’s family relationship with traits, including faith, culture, society and community